Bruce Covey
14 Kung Fu Climaxes
1.
That’s when, in an attempt to save each other,
My beautiful lover and I collided, and in that
Embrace, received the fatal arrow simultaneously
Through our hearts.
2.
And that’s when, slipping on a lemon peel,
I bent over to pick it up, admiring the
Brilliance of the yellow, then had my throat
Severed by your sword.
3.
And that’s when, as I bent over to admire
The beautiful peonies, you snuck up
Behind me and, with your garrote, silently,
Lovingly strangled.
4.
That’s when, as we battled to the death,
The fire surrounded us, ignited and burned us,
Engulfed us, overwhelmed us, turned us
Into pugilistic ashes.
5.
And that’s when, as I realized all battles
Were really only spiritual and metaphysical,
I felt the need to pee and ran out
Of the room.
6.
And that’s when, finally, we decided to join
Forces, defeat our common foe, fighting
To the death side by side. Oops, my contact
Lens just fell.
7.
And that’s when, surrounded by motorcycles,
I realized I could drive my 2-section staff between
Your spokes. But the chain stuck and dragged me
All across the parking lot.
8.
That’s when, as we battled on the backs
Of a stampeding herd of elephants, we
Both slipped off at the same time and
Were trampled.
9.
And that’s when, as the poisonous dart kicked in, I
Realized the house was surrounded by a dozen kung
Fu masters, their 24 eyes locked on their targets, Step-
Ping slowly forward.
10.
That’s when, in defeat, I prepared to be slain,
Only to have my attacker struck by lightning,
The face of one of the gods I didn’t recognize
Visible in the clouds.
11.
That’s when, safe and sound at home, the
Battle already fought and won, and dressing
My considerable wounds, a tornado came and
Ripped my roof off.
12.
And that’s when, as the sirens came, I realized
They would think I had killed my beautiful
Lover. I hid in a nearby garbage can until
The coast was clear.
13.
That’s when, safe and sound at home,
The battle won but raging still in my head,
My wounds itching as they began to heal,
I turned on the tv.
14.
And that’s when, after finally defeating my
Arch nemesis, my beautiful lover and I sat down
To watch ourselves on tv, trampled, slain, jumping
Off a mountain, beamed into eternity.
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